From The Archives: We Will Rock You (Schools Version)

In 2013 I starred in my school's production of We Will Rock You, a script that I'd had an open contempt for. Half-way through production, while things were still on the wrong side of bitterness, I wrote an article about how much I hated the script - this was that article. After the night itself I decided that the article contained too much bad blood and didn't reflect how much enjoyment I actually got out of the production when I actually did it, and thus I decided to take it down. But, since an article is an article, I have it here for your reading pleasure. May contain words unsuitable for children from the outset.Written 8/12/13.

Review: Wizard of Oz 2011

Note: This review contains incredible positive bias!

I won't say that it's been easy, because it hasn't. This year's production has been plagued by problems from the beginning, and as a witness to those problems I feel that I'm a little bit biased this year. We have put in a lot of work and it has at times been tiring, empowering and hilarious, all at the same time. But at the end, it all came together and stands as one of the best productions the school has done.
     Production issues abound made this a difficult play to get off the ground. Early rehearsals made little progress, and then two months into production the lead character actress was replaced by another, causing a shuffling of roles that meant that we had to start from scratch. That considered, the progress made within the five weeks of rehearsal time has been incredible to say the least. Further, different dates this year gave us even less time than we had last year, which further piled on the stress.
    I must say that I initially had reservations about the choice of play, and they remain. The Wizard of Oz is one of the most potent fairy tales of the 19th Century. Written by children's author L. Frank Baum in the 1890s, the story was popularised (and significantly dumbed down) for a technicolour 1939 version featuring Judy Garland - a film that has become embedded in Western Culture. I personally detest the film for its complete and total lack of any meaningful characterisation, it's useless optimism and its skewed sense of morality. I do however appreciate the story itself for what I interpret it as - an examination of the American economic situation during the 1890s. I hoped, slightly, that our interpretation here would be able to capture that, and I feel it does that in many placed while still appealing to people's expectations of the cheerier 1939 version.
     Because of the more...extravagant play, the costumes this year were rented professionally and look incredible. The same can be said of the background sets, and while I thought that Kansas theme was a little silly when one considers that Kansas only appears for five minutes of the two-hour production, I appreciate that this year the Art Department fought over a lot of hurdles. To make up for this single setting, the team made the innovative decision to make curtains that could be used to quickly change set. It'sd little additions like this that took the initially bleak outlook of the production and made sure that on the night it was spotless.
     As for the acting itself, I thought that there was a wonderful sense of campness in the air. Characters like the Lion and Lord Growlie remained in character constantly despite their entertainingly queer characterisations. It helped that a lot of the principle cast had returned from the previous year, but the show's newcomers were just as well-performed.
    None of the problems this year stopped the cast or the producers from giving it their all. And at the end of the day, the production came together in a way which more than equalled the previous year's heights. On a personal note, I'd just like to say that the production was amazing to work on despite my initial reservations, and I'm proud to have been a part of it. I'm sure looking forward to next year, whatever it may be.

Thanks.

Off To See The Wizard

Like last year, and less so the year before, I'll be reviewing my school's production this year, which I again have a part in. Compared to previous years, I expect that this year's review will be a lot more interesting due to our relatively messy production. We'll have to wait and see, I suppose. In any case, look forward to Wizard of Oz 2011 on the 9th December.

Thanks.

Alice Cooper was right

Yes, School's Out and I should now have much more free time in which to post for this site. While I make no promises, hopefully this will mean that I can post more. For the time being I'll be reviewing the finales of Being Human Series 1, Lost Season Four and week-for-week with Torchwood: Miracle Day, with my recurring Classic Doctor Who reviews.

Thanks.

From The Archive: Opinion: Alton Towers Trip 2010

Back in early 2010 I promised a review of my trip to Alton Towers with school. It took me a while to get around to writing it, and when I did write it I wasn't very happy with the results. I felt I was being over-analytical and too formal, and that I was letting my personal prejudices to do with rides etc. get in the way.
     Regardless, I've decided to dig up that review from my Archives and finally, around six months later than promised, post it on the site. Keep in mind my own reservations, and read on.

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Written Summer 2010. Trip occurred in July 2010.

I've been struggling to get round to writing this, mainly because at the time, I felt more of an indifference towards the park then any particular strong opinion. Regardless, it's time for me to take a look at the money-sink that is Alton Towers, and whether we should let it walk over the park's history.
     I made it my aim this time to show my partner around the park, as he had never been before. It was therefore in my best interests to explore every area of the park, looking at design, enjoyment and hospitality. Despite my position that adrenaline thrills are a waste of time, I tried to keep an unbiased view.
     As always, the park is a very immersive experience - several theming devices and a constant source of music make the surreal areas more believable. The main areas of the park looked at Pirates, Jungles, Tech Parks and then more kiddie themed Fairytale and Cloud Cookoo Lands. These areas are well-spaced and connected, with several routes between them, and the maps are fairly clear as well as being colourful and a good display of what's on offer.
     In my last visit, I was badgered by stall-owners as I walked past, to my great annoyance. This has been eradicated, although the prices are still sky-high. Alton Towers is a pure cash-cow; designed to sink as much money as possible from its customers. And, it seems, it is succeeding.
     And now to where I wanted to go on this trip; the two areas of the park most true to its spirit and yet also sadly rejected - the Towers themselves, and the Gardens. Before entering these areas, park-supervisors actually asked us whether we wanted to go in there, or whether we were simply mixed up. And this shouldn't be the attitude; both are well-kept areas of historical significance, and are quite beautiful in their own way.

Castle Gardens

     Alton Towers itself was a settlement looking back to around 1000B.C., but the current castle was built as an extension to a hunting lodge after the English Civil War in the 1600s. The castle is now used for weddin ceremonies, although it is fully possible to explore the ruins, taking a look at the old kitchens and the several writing rooms and lounges. The rooves offer a great view of not only the park but also the surrounding countryside.
     The Gardens on the other hand are much more well-preserved. Straddling a valley between two of the park's main areas, Charles's Talbots gardens are just a wonderful work of art, taking from many different cultures and perfectly understanding the subtlties of garden design. There're the Roman colummns, the large Eastern Pagoda, the Lily Pond, the statues, and many other interesting sections.
     So, I conclude. Alton Towers has a great atmosphere and you can have a really fun time. The sheer amount of care and effort put into keeping the park clean and safe is astounding, even in the areas where less emphasis is placed on people visiting. However, some of the park staff can sometimes get in the way of your enjoyment, even though they do it less than in the past.

Thanks.

Review: Oliver! 2010

"The best production I've seen in 30 years" Mr. Ward

It was Lionel Bart, in the 1960s, who decided to translate one of Charles Dickens' most scathingly satirical books into a stage musical (and then a major film). It softened the lengthy and often conveluted plot from the book and gave it an overall more optimistic spin, while retaining enough of the orignal satire to encourage a morbid feel. Oliver is a story of corruption and innocence, taking centre-stage in the depths of the London Underworld. Perfect, then, for a school production.
     This year saw a large number of Year 10s come to the front, most of whom especially were excellent character actors - injecting some much-needed realism into preceedings. The Sixth Form filled in the other gaps, as last year, but this year they were generally stronger. The chorus this year were still as distracted and juvenile as one can expect when attempting serious drama, but there were some strong players that really knocked it up a notch and the energy on the stage was simply amazing. This was no doubt helped by the two Sixth Form choreorgraphers, Laurens Power and Haigh.
     The director this year was Mrs. MacFarlane, assisted by Miss. Urwin, and they took a different approach then previous years due to the less aesthetic nature of the production - Grease got it's points across (the few it actually had) using song and dance, while Oliver! is a bit more cerebral.
     As expected in a school production, the cast brought their own eccentricities to the fore to make their characters more interesting. The almost obligatory "Panto Dame" was Old Sally, played by a disgruntled (but clearly very brave) Year 10. Irregularities in the scripts provided also gave birth to entirely new characters with their own histories and characteristics (e.g. Reg the Undertaker, who was invented when a cast member was needed to bring on a coffin).
     Much credit must also be given to the other aspects of the show. The backdrop this year took on a more consistent style in the form of a London street, in contrast to the gaudy tableaus of previous years. Costumes were a great challenge, but Miss Ainscow managed to bring along an outstanding array of outfits for all of the characters - the most notable being Nancy's stunning red dress, Fagin's hat and wig, and Sikes' imposing green coat. Finally, the music was spot on and well-worked by Mr. Jones and his Year 11 assistant Stephen Scott.
     Now all is said and done, I'd like to thank everyone involved in the production and especially everyone who paid to come and see it. As a cast member, I had a lot of fun and I sincerely hope the audience did too.

Thanks.

P.S. My reviews of Misfits 2.6 and Life On Mars 1.7/1.8 will be up later today, Sunday at the latest. Also, this week will have no Super Sunday, like last week.

Reviewing the Situation

Long term readers of the blog will remember my second ever review, first written on the 8/12/09, of the 2009 Audenshaw School Play, Grease the Musical. Well, nearly a year has passed and now it's coming up to the time when I will review this year's school play, Oliver! the Musical. There is one difference this year, however - I am starring in the play!
     Despite this, I'll try and make my review as critical and (hopefully) entertaining as possible. Expect Review: Oliver! the School Musical Version on 18th December, as part of Audenshaw Reviews Anniversary Month.

Thanks.

Review: St Damien's Choir

Uh, wait. One sec. Why's my name of a list? Oh, there we go.
          Yes, I, as a musical student, was invited to a talent-scout-induced concert in which ten students from St. Damiens School came up on stage and sang some songs that weren't intended for a choir. Here we go.
          The first song was "Shine" by Take That. The song choice is a logical one; a song designed for four men does logically extend to ten, and the voice variation allowed for a wide variety of notes that couldn't be created by the piano backing. When they finished, I thought they had done a good job, although the last few shouts of the chorus were less singing and more whiny shouting.
          Then there was the, er, more illogical choice of "Haven't Met You Yet," by Michael Bublé. My first reaction was, Why does it make any sense for ten boys of varying vocal range and quality to sing a song sung by one very good Canadian? It doesn't, but despite some jarring discreapancies, it stood as adequate entertainment. After that finished, the overly posh music teacher from St. Damien's did some... wait for it... MASS PARTICIPATION! You heard me right, folks! Why is it that every educational event thinks that what people under 16 want is to uniformly chant and clap?!?! "coughs"
          Anyway, so then she said, "And now a final song," and I thought, this could be at least pleasant. Then she said that only three of them knew the song. I thought it could work, three singers isn't the end of the world. And then the piano bloke started, and it was a very strange. And then they started singing. It felt like the world was ending. I knew those lyrics. This was, "I'm a Believer," by the Monkees, a cherished part of my younger childhood. And they were not only singing with the wrong notes, they were also whining it instead of singing. This wasn't singing. This was criminal.
          One and a half songs out of three isn't bad. For the very little practice they admitted doing, and the fact that the oldest one there was 14, they had a high quality. But from a more objectified analytical standpoint (ooh big words) it just doesn't cut it.

Thanks.

Opinion: Attractions of the Rhineland (Day 2/5)

Day Two

I awoke at 6 am. The sun was lovely, shing through the windows, as the bells in the local church rang as they had on the hour all night. I got dressed in clean clothes, finally managed to shake my roommate awake and then took my camera and walked down to explore the hotel, looking in other people's rooms and also inside the quad, which had a lovely set of gardens.

Breakfast consisted mainly of terrible German cereals or a round of toast. We assembled our "packed lunches", which consisted of a sandwhich, a German apple-juice carton and a little biscuit. Then we set off, to a large castle on a steep hill, whose name I really cannot remember. (ed: Marksburg Castle). It had a lot of interesting architecture from many different periods, with all sorts of brickwork and cobbling as well as room designs lasting over two thousand years, when it was a safeguard against the Roman advance into Germania. The guide was a woman in leather, that couldn't quite pronounce her vs. (Those over there are the winyards!)

After that we went to the chairlift in the local town in Boppard, which was a bit like a ski-lift except that you certainly would not want to be falling from it. On the way up the views I met another boy, who was sharing a room with some of my other friends. Wishing to avoid another night of snoring, I offered a swap, and there the deed was done. At the top of this cliff there was a lovely natural park and the edge had remarkable views of the Rhine valley. There we ate our lunch and met a stray dog.

At the bottom of the mountain we went into the town on one of those train thingymajigs, and we were immersed in the culture. What my budgeting self found particularly enjoyable was a shop I've mentioned before, called Pennymarkt, which was like Lidl, but so much more inviting due to our low budgets. I didn't find any souvenoirs here though.

Heading back to the coach, we drove to a bowling alley. The bowling was, well, exactly the same as bowling here in Britain. As a great man once said, "Bowling is Bowling." When we got back, the evening meal was chickpea soup, a wonderful spaghetti bolognaise and some sort of strawberry mousse. At the bequest of some of the more footbally footballers, we walked to a football field where they played football and I played on the Gameboy Advance. (I know, right?)

Then, I realised the horror of my earlier choice to swap. This parter was perhaps one of the most increasingly annoying people I had ever met. While I was trying to sleep, he was watching football and speaking to his friends on loudspeaker. It was enough to disturb my sleep accidentally - but when it was conscious, something had to be done. But not tonight. Tonight I had to sleep.

Thanks.

Opinion: Attractions of the Rhineland (Day 1/5)

May 2009. A school trip to Germany is on offer. I, enthused, take the offer. Five days in the Rhineland, with a coach and several activities, as well as four nights stay in the wonderful Hotel Lindenhof.

This piece is an Opinion because it's more of a recall diary than a review, and much less proffessional than a normal review.

This particular piece focusses on Days One, a turbulent day on the trip, in which I contemplated returning home...

Day One

We arrive the the coach at around midnight, where the coach is waiting. I've got a bag of stuff, and I'm wearing jeans, boots and a tee shirt. I sit next to my partner, who I allocated myself with at an earlier date. He;s not the closest of friends, but I can trust him.

Of course, it's my idea that I might be able to get some sleep on this coach, being past midnight 'n' all. But that doesn't come to pass for quite a while, with screaming and singing kids all over the coach. The seat and my position in it is uncomfortable, and the mix of fatigue and confusion left me confused and slightly mad. Luckily, around half-past twelve, they were told to shut up and I got some kip.

Only four hours kip, if I remember. When I woke up, we had gone into a service station, where the drivers of the coach swapped over, and a few boys were allowed off the coach to go to the loo. When I got back on the coach, I took an empty set of two seats. Much more comfortable. We were driving for the next three hours, with a few more stops for whatever reason, until we got to Dover.

It was a foggy day on the channel. I'd never seen the White Cliffs before, and so it was an interesting thing to do. We waited a bit but then got on an earlier ferry, which was another new experience. After a kip and a good walkabout, my thoughts of confusion were wiped out by my intrigue in exploring the ship to its limits, going through all sorts of halls and balconies. I was hungry, as it was seven in the morning, so I decided to go to the "Parisian Cafe" and order a Pan au Chocolat. I wasn't really in the mood for French, so I asked the waiter in English. What I get in response is a long string of seemingly-nonsensical sentences that I neither understood nor cared about. I think he was saying that there were none left. Regardless, I just gave an apprehensive, "Ok" and walked off.

Thinking I'd get better fare downstairs, I went down to the Economy Area, where most of the others were getting their food. It was a horrid imitation Full-English. I wasn't going near it. I even took a photograph of it, that's how much it disgusted me.

One of the things I loved was how I could stand at the bow of the ship, watching the cliffs of Dover dissappear and the beachy-coastline of Northern France emerge from the fog. I managed to stave off sea-sickness for a while but eventually I gave in and sat down near the four teachers, who were telling each other stories of their childhood ( horriffic, horriffic things).

The coach passed through France (one service station), Belgium (one very rude service station) and The Netherlands, before we entered Germany. On the way into Germany we hit noon, and so we stopped off at a German side-of-road restaurant that had lots of lovely food, a semi-pornographic gift shop and an automatic handdryer.

Eventually we got to the Rhine, which was a lovely sight. The sparkling, golden waters of the Rhine, with the vineyards on either side. Our hotel was a small one on the surface, but it had Tardis like qualities. Behind the fascade out front was a large quad of newly built hotel rooms. We were in room thirty, a rarity as it had the single, two-matress bed and little else. Oh, and there was a TV full of German Channels. (Except at six in the morning, at which it was English stock markets.)

Our first dinner was in the function room; a vegetabley soup for starters, fish and chips for main and then a pudding that not many people liked but I thought was passable. And then we found out someone had brought, "And Now For Something Completely Different" on DVD. I would have run in fear, but I had not been exposed to the genius of python, nevermind the dark absurdities of their first film. Not dark as in content. Dark as in the sheer lack of god-damn funny for the first hour.

Anyway, after that pain we went to bed and it was there that I began to break down. My partner was tired, as I was, having had about five hours sleep out of the past fourty eight. You could say that he was tired enough to snore. And how. I was surprised he wasn't disturbing the neighbours. I tried to wake him up, but every time he came close to consciousness he fell back into sleep within seconds.

I had my escape all planned out. I would walk down the Rhine until I came to a dock, and then I would hijack a boat, travelling up the Rhine and across the North Sea to Hull, where I would get my Euroes changed back into pounds and take a taxi back to Manchester, where I could catch the bus home and enjoy the rest of my holiday. Fortunately, I managed to get some sleep after an hour of reading. And thus ends Day One.

Thanks.

Hi!

This blog, set up on 4/2/10, is now a place for me to host my reviews on events, most of which involve schools. Before this they were put on Facebook as notes; now they get the formatting that they truly deserve and I don't have to use Facebook's primitive system.

So, thanks.

Andrew.